You’re Not Crazy. Mommy-Wine Culture Is
Nancy, knew it was time to take a look at her drinking when her five-year old son brought home his school project. He had drawn a picture of his family, and wrote a sentence of what each member was happiest doing.
He drew himself with his Legos, his dad with his tennis racket, his sister with the family dog, and Nancy holding a glass of wine.
“That’s when I knew the gig was up,” she says. “I mean, at first I kind of laughed, and thought wait until I tell me friends about this. And, then I thought, wait a minute, my entire identity is reduced to that one glass of wine? Then I just got really sad.”
In the past few decades, the normalization of mommy-wine culture has taken center stage, shaping a narrative around alcohol consumption that doesn’t address the potential risks and consequences. This seemingly harmless trend can become a slippery slope, leading to a complicated relationship with alcohol.
In this blog post, I’ll dig into the sneaky nature of mommy-wine culture and explore how to break free with compassion and support.
WHEN DID ALCOHOL BECOME A PARENTING TOOL?
Mommy-wine culture comes across as light-hearted and easy going. A way for moms to unwind and cope with the stresses of trying to juggle family, work, and community obligations. This light-heartedness is supported by memes and hashtags on social media, that reinforce the idea that a glass of wine is the perfect solution to challenging day of mothering.
While it may start out innocently enough, mommy-wine culture can lead to the very dark place of relying on alcohol to help you escape from your life, and get you through your day. In her book, Drink: The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol, Ann Dowsett Johnston quotes Jan Bauer, the author of Alcoholism & Women: The Background & the Psychology, “women are looking for “oblivion drinking.” Alcohol becomes the thing that offers them an escape from having to do it all.
“It was fun at first,” says Nancy. “I mean, when we first moved here, it was a great way to meet some of the other moms, over happy hours, while our kids ran around in the backyard. But, then I noticed I started automatically pouring myself a glass of wine at 5 o’clock, most days, which was usually followed by a couple more. I wasn’t a sloppy drunk, but I was definitely checking out of my life. I wasn’t really there for my kids or my husband at that point. I was barely there for myself.”
What begins as a casual ritual can transform into a coping mechanism, that can lead to dependency and an escape from reality. The insidious nature of mommy-wine culture lies in its ability to mask deeper issues, such as stress, anxiety, and mental health struggles, not to mention lack of societal and systemic support.
RECOGNIZING THE SIGNS, YOU’RE DRINKING TOO MUCH
Breaking free from mommy-wine culture, starts with being radically honest with yourself and how much you’re drinking. It’s a tricky place to be.
I know I didn’t want to admit that I was drinking too much, most of it occurring by myself, on my couch. There was a lot of shame around how I had let myself get to this place, mixed with the fear of the unknown. What would my life look like without my bottle of wine?
Nancy had a similar reaction, “I mean, no one had called me out on my drinking. All my friends were in the same boat. It took my five-year-old to gut punch me, and when he did I just felt the shame rush right up and envelop me. It almost paralyzed me. But, it was also the punch I needed to get me to do something about it.”
Think about your own drinking and if you recognize any of these signs, it might be time to reach out for help:
· Increased tolerance
· The need to use alcohol to relax, or to feel normal
· It’s starting to impact your physical or mental health
· Excessive and elaborate rules around “managing” your drinking (see Why Trying to Moderate Your Drinking is a Bitch)
· Disconnecting from your friends and family
· Frequent blackouts or hangovers
BREAKING FREE FROM MOMMY-WINE CULTURE WITH COMPASSION & SUPPORT
I’ve worked with so many women who are struggling with alcohol use in their lives. They bought in hard to mommy-wine culture. Thinking that “rose all day” helped bring some rebelliousness back into their lives.
And, I get it, I was a card-carrying member of that group for a long time.
That’s why I created RISE UP: A 90-day exploration of your relationship with alcohol. I want to help you ditch your nightly bottle of wine, and reconnect with the parts or your life you’ve numbed for too long.
You’ll move through three stages of exploration:
1. Reflection: the place to get curious and start collecting data on your relationship with alcohol. Exploring your drinking story (without judgment or shame) and see what’s working and what’s not.
2. Creation: start setting goals, thinking about possibilities of life without alcohol, creating new structures and supports that feel good and are nourishing.
3. Acceleration: start putting all the things into practice, rebuilding your sense of identity, building connection and community.
If you’re ready to ditch mommy-wine culture and step into a new way of supporting yourself as a mother you can learn more HERE.
I’ve got you.