Higher Power: Connecting Deeply with Yourself
The emptiness dogging us emanates from the places where we have lost contact with our deepest selves - Gabor Mate
Whether we’re conscious of it or not, we’re all searching for our higher power. I know that is a hugely triggering concept for some, but bear with me. When I think of a higher power, I don’t think of it as an external thing. I don’t think it has anything to do with God, or the universe, or some kind of thing floating around the ether.
In my opinion, the concept of a higher power is an internal (and deeply personal) thing. And, connecting with it is necessary because it’s something we long for – to connect with our higher sense of self, our higher sense of purpose.
We are subconsciously looking to hand ourselves over to this higher power – a place of deep trust, connection, and belonging. I think when you automatically reject the idea of a higher power then you don’t allow yourself the space to move forward, heal and connect with the beauty of your soul.
I call these broken connections with yourself, HOLES, and by the time you’ve reached mid-life it can feel like your insides are a little Swiss-cheesy at best. And to add fuel to the fire, society teaches you that it’s perfectly acceptable to fill these holes externally – through things that are outside you – drugs, alcohol, shopping, porn, gambling, social media.
You’re not alone in trying to find a way to fill these holes, everybody around you is busy trying to fill their own. Sometimes these holes are so deeply entrenched in their lives of those around you, that when you dare to do something different – like refuse to keep relying on alcohol to fill the lonely places - then no one really knows what to say to you or what to do with you.
But, this is exactly the place where deep connection happens. When you’re able to take the energy you were using to fill the holes, and replace it with building confidence instead.
I always thought that one day I would magically wake up with all the confidence I needed to go out and conquer the world. That I would finally have taken the magic number of courses, or read the magic number of books, or would listen to all the right experts.
But it hasn’t happened yet, because that’s not how confidence is built. And, of course I knew that, buried somewhere deep inside the back of my mind. But it’s so much easier to just play it safe, then there was never any worry about having a confidence crisis. The secret was playing it so safe, that I didn’t have to worry about it. So, I would sit on my couch, night after night, trying to find my confidence at the bottom of a wine bottle. Of course, this led to me having nowhere to grow.
Confidence comes from leaning into the parts of yourself that are already enough, and doing this one repeat. It has to come from the place inside you – the deep connection to yourself I was talking about earlier. My nights of sitting on the couch, reading self-help books with a glass of wine in my hand, weren’t making any sort of impact on building my confidence.
Confidence has so much to do with the decision just to try. To just put it all out there in the open and take that risk and it doesn’t have to be some huge risk at first but it does have to be the kind of risk that has some real failure and it also has to be the kind of risk that you have to put some effort into.
Because we want to protect our hearts, especially as we move into midlife – isn’t it safer just to sit on our couch instead of putting ourselves into potentially risky emotional situations?
There comes that moment of allowing yourself to truly step into your life. I know how easy it is to self-censor. So many moments when you’re feeding yourself old stories about the person that you used to be or the dreams that you I used to have, or you look at where you are and look at that as an excuse for not getting anywhere else.
But, at some point you just get sick of it all. You get tired of it all. You get tired of waiting for that right moment or for that right person to show up because that is never going to happen. Moving through the fear and using confidence, instead of staying stuck and filling up your holes, allows you the space to just try. That is all that I ask of you – to try.
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If you’re ready to get curious about your relationship with alcohol you can learn more HERE.
I’ve got you.