Using Your Powerlessness to Commit to Sobriety
Hey there. I see you. I know you’ve tried to control your drinking. Maybe you’ve made it through a few weeks. Maybe a couple of months. But, you keep getting dragged back into the vortex that is daily drinking.
You don’t lilke it anymore. It’s not a place you want to be. You’ve wasted so much time sitting on your couch with a bottle of wine.
You’ve lost connection with yourself. Your partner. Your kids.
Admitting that you can’t control your drinking, or that you need to drink every night, or most nights, isn’t an act of saying you have no control. Instead, it’s about admitting there are only certain parts of your life that you can control, and that alcohol is no longer one of those things. Removing it from your life allows you to step into a new place, to focus your energy on the things that nourish and support you, and not on the things that continue to drag you down.
Stephanie Covington, in her book, A Woman’s Way Through the Twelve Steps, talks about how when we give up the struggle to control the things we can’t control, we begin to discover our true source of power.
When I think about my own drinking I was absolutely powerless once I opened that bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. I would start the evening with good intentions. And, then the chatter in my head slowly started to change.
I’ll only have one glass tonight.
I’ll have one glass while I’m cooking dinner, and then I can’t have my second glass until after the kids go to bed.
I might as well have a glass with dinner too.
Okay, I’m finishing the bottle tonight, that way I won’t have anything to drink tomorrow.
I bet you can guess what happened next? I’d get involved in the same battle night after night.
Wasting my time, my energy, my brain cells. Making promises with myself I knew I wouldn’t keep.
It wasn’t until I admitted to myself that I had no control, and gave up my false belief that I could manage my drinking, that I was free to focus on the things in my life that I did have control over.
So, what did I have control over? I had control over the decision of whether or not I wanted to drink, and I leaned into that decision hard. I removed all alcohol from my house. I let my close friends know that I was no longer drinking. That I wasn’t exactly sure what the end goal looked like, but I knew I wanted to give myself 365 days of alcohol-free living before I made a further decision.
I entered a pretty intense period of figuring out who the hell I was at the age of 48. Alcohol had become such a big part of my life, I didn’t know what my true feelings and values were. I borrowed so many things from others.
I know you don’t like imagining yourself as powerless. If you’re anywhere near my age (GenX forever, baby), then you know you’ve worked too hard trying to prove to everyone that you can indeed be anything that you want.
The problem is getting stuck in a place where you’re pretending you can have it all at the same time, and you’re completely burned out from trying to hold it all together. Unfortunately, you’re in good company. Reports have indicated that since the pandemic there has been an increase of 41% in monthly days of heavy drinking for women. And, while things might appear to be back to “normal”, you might find yourself using drinking as an unhealthy coping mechanism to deal with daily stresses.
There might be very few places in your life where you feel any sort of power at all, but having the power to consciously choose to remove a toxic substance from your life (and your body) is liberating.
You might be powerless when it comes to that bottle of wine. But, you’re powerful when it comes to making the choice not to drink.
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If you’re ready to get curious about your relationship with alcohol you can learn more HERE.
I’ve got you.