Ditching “Liquid Courage”
“I’m a nervous flyer. How am I going to get on an airplane without having a few shots of tequila?”
“I hate speaking at sales conferences, but it’s a big part of my job. My pre-talk glass of wine has always helped me feel more confident.”
“I’m trying to figure out dating again at the age of 50. I have no idea how to talk to someone, let alone have sex with them, if I haven’t had a few drinks first. Help!”
My clients and I spend a lot of time in the first few sessions identifying how alcohol shows up in their lives. And, one thing that is on constant replay in the minds of the fierce, beautiful, brilliant women I work with, is the belief that without the boost of liquid courage, there is no way they would be able to deal with difficult moments in their lives.
And, I get it. It’s a scary to be in that place and no longer have your old ally with you.
Moving into sobriety in so many ways, is about:
relearning or maybe learning what to do when things get tough.
becoming aware of the resources you already have to draw upon.
sitting with your feelings. Letting them pass through you.
Acknowledging that they’re only feelings and then figuring out what the next step should be.
Making a plan.
Moving into our confidence isn’t always easy for women – especially when we can so easily get stuck on our weaknesses rather than our strengths. It’s part of human nature to always focus on the ways things go wrong. The things we haven’t accomplished. The ways we keep messing up.
My friend, and mentor, Jennie Mustafa-Julock refers to this as puddle-jumping. How before we set out to conquer a big goal – like going to graduate school or interviewing for a new job– the task looks impossible. But, once we complete the challenge we look back and short change our accomplishments – saying it was no big deal, anybody could have done that.
I know it feels strange at first, when you begin to realize that it was your inner courage all along that led you to do meaningful things, big or small.
I get this fear. It’s a hard habit to break – reaching for a substance that’s comforted you for years, maybe decades. But, I want you to be in this place where you’re ready to throw that false courage out the window and start relying on the courage you already have within yourself.
Start with something small. Either something you’ve always wanted to try, or something you need to do. Maybe you want to buy that web domain for the business you’ve always wanted to start, or apply for that grant, or have that conversation with a friend, or talk to your mom about how her comments make you feel.
Or, to get back to the examples I started with: maybe you download some calming meditations on to your phone to listen to during takeoff; maybe practice giving some presentations to a small-trusted group of people so you get used to feeling comfortable sober; maybe talk to the person you’re dating and let them know how you’re feeling nervous about having sober sex.
Whatever it is, you’re doing this one all on your own, and while it might feel like you’re not sure how you’re going to do it, think about stepping into your power and how you’re going to feel when you come out the other side knowing that alcohol had nothing to do with it.
Want to take this a step further? Get to work making an UNSTOPPABLE LIST. What are some big scary things that you’ve always wanted to do, but that you’ve held back from? What would you do if there was nothing in your way? What would you want to experience/achieve/explore?
If you’re ready to get curious about your relationship with alcohol you can learn more HERE.
I’ve got you.
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Photo by Izzy Gerosa on Unsplash