Why am I so Emotional, Now That I’m Sober?
Maybe it’s only been 48 hours. Maybe it’s been 90 days. It doesn’t really matter how long ago it was that you moved into sobriety and exploring your relationship with alcohol, those pesky feeling will rear up when you least expect them to.
Maybe you feel like you’re never going to stop crying. Or, your anger is erupting more frequently than it was when you were drinking. Or, you find yourself yoyoing between emotions in a way that makes you feel dizzy.
That’s because you’re no longer using alcohol as emotional bubble wrap. You’re no longer able to escape from your emotions, sobriety forces you to deal with your shit in real time.
And, you have a choice now that you’re at this place. You can continue trying to bury your emotions, you’re no longer using alcohol, but there are plenty of numbing agents to choose from – social media scrolling, food, weed, cigarettes, exercise, work.
Or, you can take some deep breaths and figure out how to begin processing what it is that you’re feeling, when you’re feeling it.
Vulnerability is fucking hard. You’ve most likely spent so many years, maybe decades, hiding your feelings from yourself and from others. When those words first tumble across your brain vulnerability can feel like weakness. You feel like someone who is completely exposed, who is at the mercy of others.
So, how can you allow yourself the space to be vulnerable and to step into what you’re feeling?
Get good at naming what you’re feeling: A study led by Brene Brown, found that the majority of adults can only name three emotions – happiness, sadness, and anger. (Researchers have yet to agree on the exact number of emotions, but Marc Brackett, Ph.D., author of Permission to Feel, suggests there are at least 144.) I highly recommend Brackett’s app HOW WE FEEL. It’s an interactive exploration of your feelings, that includes daily check-ins, video clips, mini-meditations, and more.
Shift what you’re feeling: Feelings are temporary – they’re like ocean waves – building and receding all day long. The surprise is that a feeling only lasts for about 90 seconds if we let it. It’s when you start to attach your sense of self to the feeling, that you can get stuck. Finding multiple ways to work through the feeling so you can release your attachment is key. This is where the sketchbooking process I teach comes into play. Read more about it HERE. Other ways to move the feeling are movement, journaling, even something like a cold shower can interrupt the thoughts that get attached.
Find someone to talk to: Building an A-team is important as you take your first steps into sobriety. You don’t need everyone you know to be on this team, but you do need to have at least two or three people you can count on to help when things get so emotionally overwhelming. Newsflash: - this might not be your best friend or your mom. Sometimes they’re too close to everything. This might be a random acquaintance you have, or someone like a coach or a therapist at the start.
WHAT FEELS TRUE RIGHT NOW? Is one of my favorite questions to ask my clients (and myself) when emotions start to fly. Sometimes just taking that extra breath and listening to your body does wonders for helping with your emotions. I sometimes journal or sketchbook to this question, so I can start to build proof in my sketchbook that I know I can move through all the feels when I want to.
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If you're curious about exploring your relationship with alcohol, reach out and book a STRONGER SOBER session.
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