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March 15, 2023
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We’re socialized to soothe ourselves with alcohol. Had a bad day? Have a drink. Fight with your partner? Have a drink? Kids driving you crazy? You need a little wine time with the girls.
We say these things without even thinking. And, when you start to use alcohol to self-soothe and to self-medicate, your drinking can cross a line you weren’t even aware was there.
That’s what happened with my own drinking. It snuck up on me. I think back to a few key events where I used alcohol to cope. And, when the stress started to recede, I just kept on drinking at this higher level. It had become my new normal.
The first event was the early days after September 11th, 2001. I lived two blocks from the World Trade Center. I was out of my apartment for a month. I lugged the one suitcase of my possessions that I was allowed to retrieve, and bounced between hotels and friend’s spare bedrooms. When I was allowed back in my neighborhood, there was a barge outside the bedroom window, and trucks loaded debris from the site onto it 24/7/365. There was a helicopter landing pad outside on the lawn in front of the building. Armed guards were everywhere. I needed to show ID at a check point to get down to my building. How did I cope? I started drinking every day. Pouring myself that first glass wine as soon as I walked in the door.
The second high-stress event that ramped up my drinking, was my divorce. I asked a few of my divorced friends what I should prepare myself for, and they all told me to make sure I had plenty of wine in the house. Especially when my children were at their dad’s. For real. That was their advice. And, I was really good at taking their advice. Two or three glasses a night, often led to a what-the- hell-I-might-as-well-finish-the-bottle moment.
Jolene Park, a functional nutritionist who specializes in gray area drinking, talks about how common life experiences, like loss or stress, often instigates or increases drinking. No one is immune from these experiences. Which means no one is immune from the possiblity of ncreased drinking, and the ways it can start to interfere with your life.
That’s the sneaky part of these life moments. Drinking increases because we think it’s supposed to – how else are we supposed to deal with our feelings and process them? And, if you’ve been drinking for 20 or 30 years, then of course you reach for what you know. It’s become a bad habit, and deep down you know that shit only hurts you.
Here are some life experiences to watch out for.
Areas to watch out for:
At some point alcohol become your all-purpose fixer– loneliness, boredom, grief, joy, celebration, coping strategy, frustration – it’s the thing you always turn to.
Instead, I want you to think of how good it feels to go outside for a walk, cooking a good meal to nourish yourself, talking to a friend, taking a hot bath, lifting weights, reading to your kids, cuddling you’re your dog, spending time journaling your feelings, or reading an author you love.
Think about how those things fill you up, instead of leaving you depleted.
Those things might not replace the feeling exactly. You might go for a walk and still come back to an empty house. But, trust me, the outcome is so much healthier than letting yourself sink deeper and deeper into a bottle of wine. Alcohol exacerbates anxiety and depression, so if you’re feeling some of those things because of life stresses, then it’s all going to keep adding up.
I’m not here to police anyone’s Sauvignon Blanc consumption, but I do want you to be aware of how much you’re drinking, and become more intentional with your choices and how you respond to life events.
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